Are You A People Pleaser?

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Growing up I saw a movie in which one of the characters said; “At a point in a man’s life, he must learn to say NO.” These words stuck with me and I never plan to let them go.

The ability to take a stance and say “No” to that which is unfavorable to you, is an ability everyone must possess. You would think everyone has this ability until you meet “People Pleasers.” Who are people pleasers? They are a set of individuals that crave to be loved by all and sundry, so they strive not to displease anyone even when it is detrimental to their lives. 

How to identify A People Pleaser.

They Love Side Talks.

A people pleaser would disagree with a friend’s action but would never say it to that friend’s face. They would rather engage in gossip. They have a thousand words to say behind your back, but in front of you, they bless your day with smiles that lie. 

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Their Sort of Friendship is Bad for Your Growth.

Imperfection and errors are qualities that make us humans. No matter how careful we are, we are bound to make mistakes. When we err, especially when we are oblivious to our own faults, it is imperative to have friends brave enough to look us in the eyes and say; “You were wrong.”

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You won’t be able to enjoy this benefit of friendship if you keep people pleasers as friends.  Those ones will never point out your faults to you. Rather, they would twist facts just to present a narrative that they feel would be pleasing to you. If you are surrounded by people that cannot tell you your wrongs, it becomes difficult for you to change and grow.

If your friends are always nodding their heads in agreement with all your actions, you need new friends.

Their Actions Are Detrimental to Their Spouses and Loved Ones

Thanks to the love of being in the good books of everyone they end up taking actions that are unfavorable to them and their loved ones. 

A people pleaser will agree to give out that which is needed at home just because they don’t want to offend the individual that requested the favor. Within them, they know they shouldn’t do that but they love to be tagged as GOOD so they will proceed with the illogical action. This action will consequently affect the entire family negatively.

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Kindly note that being a people pleaser is not the same as being charitable. A charitable individual chooses to help, in order to make a difference in the life of their beneficiary. While a people pleaser is a coward that lacks the balls to say NO. Therefore, they give you a helping hand with smiles, but behind your back, they grumble.

A People Pleaser is Never A Straight Talker. 

Asslicking is a paramount quality of a people pleaser, especially if they are benefiting from you. They never say it as it is when they know you may not be happy with the truth. They are experts in massaging the egos of others.

In fact, a people pleaser who is 30 years old as opposed to correcting the wrongs of a teenager will praise and commend their actions just to enjoy certain benefits. In their bravest days, they simply sit on the fence.

Final Thoughts

There are tons of other qualities of a people pleaser, but if you can relate to the qualities mentioned in this piece then you are a people pleaser.

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There is nothing honorable in being a people pleaser. On the contrary, it reduces your self-worth to the minimum. The moment people begin to see you for what you are, they will never appreciate your opinions. Learn to say things as they are for facts don’t care about your feelings.

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Cecilia Wonah

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