SETTING BOUNDARIES IN RELATIONSHIPS

A sane society is called sane because of the set of rules they are bounded by. So also, a relationship is called sane when it has laid down healthy boundaries that are strictly adhered to by both parties.

Your partner should not make you feel or look childish for requesting you both set boundaries in your relationship.

Firstly, before you consider setting boundaries, you both must have clear intentions about what you both want out of the relationship.

It is not enough for you to be attracted to ‘tall, dark and handsome’ or ‘big boobs, big nyash’ (although this is the case with some relationships) but still whatever the reason you both are together should be well spelled.

When this has been ascertained, then you both have to set strict boundaries that should be followed to the letter. You may think ‘this is no fun’ but in the real sense, it actually has more benefits.

There are different types of boundaries that can be set in a relationship, the list below is a few examples of the different boundaries.

DIFFERENT TYPES OF BOUNDARIES YOU CAN SET IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

DEAL BREAKERS

To some people, cheating is a deal-breaker, to others, it is betrayal and yet to a few, it could be jealousy. Whatever it is you know you can’t stand, most especially in terms of behavioral patterns, please state it from the very beginning to avoid stories that touch.

FINANCIAL

Whether you both should have a joint account or not, this is one very important topic to talk about.  A financially smart partner will make the best decisions when it involves finances and that is a plus for you both

GOALS

Every person has goals they intend on achieving. No goal is too stupid nor dumb so long as it is positive and it gives your partner joy. Make efforts to set down goals for your relationship and also your personal lives. Setting down goals and how they can be achieved might into your quality time, but then, this is where good positive communication comes in.

FAMILY

We both come from individual families who have nurtured us to adulthood and as such meeting Beau does not equate to you neglecting them or pushing them out of your life. You and your partner need to find a balance in incorporating them into your lives.

PAST LIVES

It is called the past for a reason. You are under no oath to spill all your guts to your partner. In my experience, it is never the best idea. Most times, keeping that part of you a secret is better. Do not let your new Belle sweet talk you into opening up when you are not ready. Open up only when you want to.

SEXUAL HEALTH

You both need to set limits in your sexual life. Some relationships have a ‘no sex’ till marriage principle, while others have 5 times a week marathon race. Do whatever works for you both. But remember that each party must agree to the rules and stick to it. You can not agree to be celibate and 5 months down, you are already threatening to leave if you do not have your way.

MORE: SIGNS OF AN ABUSIVE PARTNER

PROS AND CONS OF OPEN RELATIONSHIPS

There are so many other boundaries besides these you can set with your partner, if you haven’t, it is never to too late! Setting healthy boundaries with your partners helps keep you both in check and makes your union beautiful and wholesome.

And when you set up these boundaries, try as much as possible to stick by them. Also setting boundaries can be easier said than done. And we understand this, your partner should too, particularly when it is an alien practice. But as they say, practice makes perfect.

Not forgetting, there should be consequences for the partner who fails to abide by the rules and leaves the boundaries. This, you both should decide on. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk. If you got to this point, I fucking love you!